Monday, April 20, 2009

Single and ready to mingle.. but successful!

Some of my close friends are female, nearly all of them are very successful in their career. Most of them are single. We share more of less the same background, either the same school, same college, or a previous organization where we worked together. We all have the same 'wavelength'.. we connect very well intellectually. I have immense respect for all of them, one of the reasons why they are my close friends. However for the ones who are single, have a tough time finding their Prince Charming.

Some of them I know very well, and have known for a long time. I know that though they worry a lot, eventually they will find the guy of their dreams. Some, I am not so sure of. For the ones I am sure, I keep giving my reassurances that its just a matter of time, and they should not spend so much time worrying about the right guy, or about growing old alone. But at the same time I understand their concern. And I marvel at how dumb or how insecure some of the men in their lives are. They will continue to have a cause for concern if they keep associating with insecure men. But, all said, I still understand that it is very difficult to find the 'right' man. Or the 'right' woman for that matter. But it is all the more difficult when you are a well educated, self confident, successful career oriented woman. What becomes a huge plus for a man, for some reason becomes a huge minus for a woman. And the reasons elude me. Women tend to swarm around men who are more successful than they are, men tend to get romantically repelled by women who are more successful than them. I can only conclude that men are more insecure about their professional success than women. A woman who has no professional or educational achievements can still be extremely attractive because of their beauty, their sexuality, their feminity or just charm. For a man, all these are add-ons. The female race doesnt consider any man 'husband material' unless he is moderately successful, or at least has the capability to support himself at par with the woman in his life. Which means that for a man, his professional success is the only thing he can bank on. Not just for bagging a woman, but for social acceptance. Maybe this, to an extent makes him extremely insecure about his carrer and professional success. And hence a woman who threatens that, or makes him look inferior in that sphere, is not someone he will fancy as a wife. Its the way society is structured. No I have not justified why a lot of smart career women cannot find suitable guys, but I am just trying to reason this sitting inside a guys head.

Or maybe its a cultural thing. Maybe its more predominant amongst Indian men. I know of a British colleague who works in one of the largest and most respected consulting companies in the world. He is extremely successful, is one of the highest paid professionals in his field, and very highly respected in the professional community. When he had his first child, his wife did not take maternity leave, it was he who took a one year sabbatical in order to bring up his child. His wife, who is a Yoga teacher (and no she is NOT an Indian) and runs a very successful Yoga centre catering to corporate clients continued to work while he looked after the baby and after other domestic responsibilities. Now why can I not imagine an Indian man ever doing that? Or is it that his professional success made him secure enough to be able to do something like that? I do not know, he could be the exception to the rule.

But maybe some are not like most men. Unfortunately the world is not balanced. Women want men who are successful. Men either dont want their woman to be successful, or like me, say it doesnt matter. Successful women dont want unsuccessful men, I have not yet met a single woman who can say "It doesnt matter if my spouse is a professional failure and is socially branded as an intellectual moron, as long as he looks pretty, loves me and can keep house". Most men I know feel that, some I know have actually followed that philosophy to the letter. Hence the disbalance. I call it the Gaon Ki Gori (The village beauty) syndrome. Guys are attracted by so-called "innocence" and feel they can find it only in the village.

There is no magic formula to solve this problem. As I said some of the single successful girls I know of, are loving, caring and have a golden heart. By virtue of being that they will get the right man. And their career will not come in the way. For others I know who dont boast of a golden heart, I am not so sure. In the end, I believe that it is all about the human being you are. Yes, there are fewer eligible men of our age around in the world, but then, there arent many women who are as loving and caring as well. I have been laughed at for saying this a lot of times, but I still persist in my belief "Good things happen to good people", I will stick by that and risk being laughed at once again. Crucify me if you will but I believe in Karma. I believe in it because I have experienced it. And its not just about marriage. What goes around comes around, and if you have good Karma, you will end up being happy, with or without marriage.

1. It will be a sin to not mention that this post is inspired by another one I read, please read it HERE ... if you get the time, it is highly reccommended.


  1. Hi Merlin,

    How true! Loved it. And I am happy about the link. Thanks. And I loved your profile write-up...enjoyed reading it.

    Here's inviting you to my photo blog...
    If you have the time do pop in, take a look and leave your footprints for posterity...:)

    Have a great day.

  2. Hi... Successful women look for a man more successful than them. Not all men have the balls to be with someone as ambitious (if not more)... one reason is parents/family. There is a lot of pressure on that front to find someone who will "settle down". I have come across very very men who are comfy with a woman working in sales. I married one of them.
    I don't know what goes on in a man's head...

  3. :)
    Nice post and quite true.

    And I agree with Buls, even I don't know what goes in a man's head.

  4. I just need a man to marry me .. LOL ! It does not matter how successful he is or not.. I need a man who can love me and marry me - Is that really too much to ask ? Seems like in this decrepit world

  5. Yes Iya, guess we girls are asking for too wonder people laugh at me when I say that I want a man who will love me, marry me and grow old with me :)

  6. really nice..n very true in real life..i also believe that good things happens to good people..i think girls facing this kind of problem should know that they have right to live lives on their on terms and they dont need anyone to make them happy..anyways all the best to them in their lives..