I have gone from being a regular blogger, to a non-regular blogger to what I call a "milestone" blogger. A stage where you do not really care about what your write, when you write, who reads your blog and who doesn't. 'Coz admit it, nobody reads the blog of a milestone blogger.
For me now it is just a journal. A journal of events. A memoir of the journey, the journey of life. The minutes of a meeting. The notes that I make at each milestone. That is it I think.. these are the milestones in my life. Need not necessarily be characterized by big events, but the smaller milestones, I like talking about them. Hoping that someday I will turn back and read them, and smile to myself. I keep getting inspired/impacted by the small things people say. Recently I pondered a lot on something one of the guys I admire most in the corporate world (let us call him AK) told me. AK said he was never really close to his father, who used to be the General Manager in a company, quite the busy man. But years after he grew up, post his father's retirement, he got access to his father's diary. And felt that he got to know his father through those pages. And somewhere in his mind he could join the dots through his fathers scattered thoughts on life. And learn some things from the lessons learned which his father spoke about in those pages. So yes, you guessed it right, I like imagining that some generation after me would someday read my blog and be able to join the dots.
So coming back to the milestones. Believe me, I had no clue about what I was talking about the last time I scribbled "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone". I was just in love with the idea, it remained my gtalk status for quite a few weeks. But I repeat, I had NO clue what I was talking about. Yes it does seem fancy. I did like fantasizing about the heroic deeds of people who went out of their comfort zone and did crazy stuff. But hey, in real life, it sucks..... big time. No, I am not saying that it is bad, or that it is not thrilling, if I could rewind life and go back, I think I would still do all the things I did all over again. But it sucks, at least for the first few months. It is a painful process. Not advisable for people who do not like change. Who like familiarity. Who love their known environment. And since my last post I have been in utter pain, going through the process commonly known as "change".
Me being the narcissist that I am, I like drawing a similarity to an imaginary situation that would arise if you left Shah Rukh Khan in some settlement in northern Sweden. Nobody would recognize him as a celebrity, he would just be another Indian there, and would probably have to strive to make a living and be recognized and appreciated in some way other than his face and name. For me it was a similar feeling, going from being quite the "rising star" at IBM (oh I now have the privilege of revealing the company I worked for!) who was recognized as a force to reckon with by clients, subordinates and superiors alike, to "the new guy" who is grappling with the new acronyms in the organization. A nasty nasty feeling I tell you. It kinda threatens to kill your confidence completely. And I escaped by a whisker, just being able to rescue my self respect and confidence. Which is the thrill really, something that will certainly not happen to you in your comfort zone.
I probably sound a bit demented, but this is kinda tough to explain to someone who hasn't been there. So let me be a bit straight, the transformation was a tough one, but I have been able to keep my head above the water... and I think I will survive. And oh yeah, life is certainly more thrilling and more exciting, it is like jumping from the safety of your dry boat back into the ocean, and swimming away to whatever life holds in store for you. I do terribly terribly miss flashing my IBM visiting card at the client reception desk and getting that look of recognition, but it is absolutely exciting trying to make a mark without a fancy logo, and success in every deal is somehow more personal and if I may, also slightly sweeter, than before. I am on the verge of tasting my first big win, and I will keep you posted. In short, the ride just got more interesting.
Am I talking too much about work? Well, it has kind of completely occupied my mind lately. In other news, I have managed to buy an apartment in Stockholm. It is my second, after the one I bought in Bangalore, and it is smaller and more modest than the fancy Bangalore one. The bidding process was a bit too fast for comfort. I just thought i went to see an apartment to check out the process, but before I knew it, I somehow was owning one in the next 48 hours. The story is too bizarre to write about, the strangest fact is that the Swedes think that it is just normal to sign contracts for the biggest decisions in your life within 48 hours. Well, anyway, it is on the 9th floor and it has an amazing view, and I love the kitchen, which I have realized, strangely, is the favorite part of any place I live in. And I have the HUGE task of furnishing it, from scratch. Someone recently remarked on my sudden heightened interest in furniture designs "Tumi shonshari hoe gaecho" which amused me no end. I have quite the opposite image of myself in my mind.
Winter is almost coming to an end. The temperature remained above zero for a week, to the glee of most Stockholm residents. I travel more in my job now, plans to go on business trips to Delhi and Singapore in the coming months, also plan to cover Brazil sometime this year. I have no clue what this year holds for me, which is what excites me no end.
Till the next milestone comes... so long!